Honestly. It’s been an #unhinged week.
Like being on a rollercoaster without the safety bar. Hold on tight cuz this train is leavin’ the station.
I had no control over any of the events that happened to flip my classes sideways. But that’s okay because Control is an illusion. I don’t want to live my life illusion-ed.
I was summarily dismissed and put in my place with the words: “You are a first-year teacher.”
True, but not accurate.
I became an actively disengaged employee when told: “The decision had already been made and we did not need [intended as “want”] your input.”
[ * * Note: I am still actively engaged with / to / by / for math students.]
And at the end of a week in the late hours of the start of a holiday weekend, I sent a direct email and a cc:’d email:
I apologize for my role in these difficulties.
I will not cause any more trouble for either of you.
I want to be faithful to this promise. Which is why I am telling all of you here. So the universe will hold me accountable.
My rash response to situations like this is to walk away thinking… I don’t need this. I don’t want this… I am not going to waste time on small people! But truthfully, I have never walked away. I am not a quitter.
Probably instilled from the earliest days of my athletic career, I have never quit in the middle of anything. Anything. Although plenty of times, I felt it would have been an entirely justified response.
I am theologically trained to discern in prayer. Two questions on the table:
Do you see any scenario that will make you happy there?
Do you see any scenario in the future that will make overcoming this difficulty beneficial?
Great questions for fruitful discernment. But fundamentally, it’s a no-brainer.
The correct response has always been / always is / always will be: Take the high road.
Slog through the muck. Jump the shark. Seek higher ground.
I am reminded of what Richard Rohr, OFM taught me:
Life is hard.
You are going to die.
You are not that important.
You are not in control.
Your life is not about you.
Final answer, Regis: I’ll see this thing through to the end.