#NotYet

I was so mad I could have spit.

I remember that phrase from way back in my childhood days and I knew whenever I heard it to steer wide clear of the person who said it. Usually it was my mom. Back in the day, spitting must have been a pretty naughty thing to do. Funny how times change.

The other day, I was so mad that I wanted to do a lot more than spit. My usual MO is to walk on days like this. I like to go to the high school track and spin the opposite way around the 8-lane oval–to unwind.

But the season is officially underway–students are going the right way on it at practice–so I took an alternate path.

Less than a block from home, this was lying in the street smack dab in the middle of my feet.

Ironical Bolticle

Ugh! I got even madder. Mad as a hornet. Because at that exact moment, I had come to the decision that I was done. With everything that life has been trying to get me to do for these past 18 months. Done.

Too many people who don’t do what they say they will do. Too many curve balls. Too many changes. Too too terribly hard to imagine a way through the muck. Too exhausted to want to move forward.

And then this… another ironical bolticle.
This time with nut and washer intact.
Part shiny. Part rusty.
Washer bent such that it’s wedged tight on the threads.
Nut still easy to move.

And You… the universe… speaks clearly again…

Not yet. Keep going.

Double ugh! And several colorful expletives from me. You and I fight constantly, God.

You keep putting me in crazy hard situations with insane difficult challenges asking me to produce unimaginable impossible results. How do you even begin to think I can come up with any kind of plan or solution?!?!

I am just a regular person.
I am not all-powerful or omnipotent.
I am not You.

And then this bolt… and nut… and washer.
I’ve never gotten a washer before.
To make the bolt and nut stay tight. Secure.
So it doesn’t fall apart.

Not yet. Not time to be done yet.

There will be more people who disappoint.
More changes. More curve balls. More muck.
And it will be harder than you think is possible to endure, much less overcome.
But this is where I need you. This is where I want you doing what needs to be done.
And right in the middle of it all is where I am.
You are not alone.

Here is a bolt and a nut and a washer to show you what is possible.

Radio silence.

 

what are you thinking about?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s