The Long and Short of It
All year–this school year–I have been trying to decide if I want to be in this new job thing long-term or short-term. I wake up every day jazzed with a new idea or excited by what is on my plate for the day. I enjoy the people. Many of them give me life in a way that hasn’t happened in a really long time. Such a gift.
But there is also my former career… and a ton of stuff I could be doing because the window is open and I can do things that few are doing right now. I lack the motivation to work hard in that arena though. So many hurdles to jump… so many politically correct expectations to meet… so many short-sighted people to please. At least in public-school-world, I don’t know that I don’t know.
Ignorance is indeed bliss.
I am tempted to walk away from my former world. Already the knowledge gap is widening and the learning curve is steepening. If I am to stay relevant, now is the time to work in earnest to catch up and reconnect. My internal question: Do I want to do that?
Ironically, the kicker for me is that now I can see myself much more clearly:
I can do anything. Literally.
So what is it that I want to do?
I have a choice in my hands… a freedom that I have never really known. I’m sure it’s always been there but I couldn’t see it… didn’t feel it.
Life and Tectonic Plates
Larger life has just evolved for me. Shifted like the tectonic plates of earth that cover the planet. Ever-moving, perhaps imperceptibly, allowing me to see from a new vantage point something I couldn’t see before. Scary… but entirely exhilarating.
I am trying to give myself permission to change. To allow life to take me some place new. To move easily to where I need to go–not kicking and screaming as I have been prone to do in the past. It’s been a great long while since I willingly gave up control. Honestly, let go and let God.
Ultimately… it’s been about trust. I had to re-learn how to trust. Because I’ve been burned. A lot.
I made some assumptions. And in some cases, I dove into the deep end of the pool too quickly. Even though I already knew how to swim, I should have waited. It cost me dearly. I almost drowned. [It unnerves me to think too deeply about how close I actually came to that death. Don’t think Meat! Just throw.]
And so I circle back to short-term vs. long-term.
Am I brave enough to start over fresh?
Or will I just try to re-create what has already been?
There is a dauntless courage at stake just now. [Divergent! A movie I could relate to…]
[I have always felt entirely humbled by the vast bank of talent You have bestowed on me. And truly grateful. I hope I can do it justice with the time You have given me.]
Perhaps that is the answer I have been seeking: What to do with the time God has given me.
Maybe this is indeed the moment to move into a totally new phase of life. Maybe I am truly ready for yet another career… this would be the fourth. I kind of always assumed there would be one… or at the most, two. Strange and unexpected.
I often look at the evening moon and hear Your voice say: Everything will work out fine.
In this past hugely tumultuous year, You have remained steadfast and true to Your word. That has been the re-lessoning of trust. Because in some moments, there was nothing except possibility. The possibility that something better was coming. Indeed, it did.
Brave Voyager, onward!